Moving On

It’s hard to give something up that you once loved so much. Who knew that love could hurt so badly? Breaking up is something that everyone has to go through once in their life, and if you never had to go through that pain than your lucky. Having your heart broken can be the most painful thing. It might not be a physical pain, but it cuts you deep emotionally. That person you once thought you would spend the rest of your life with is now out of your life. It can happen as quickly as a blink of an eye. You find yourself crying or frowning for no reason. The people around try to cheer you up, but nothing can seem to cheer you up. They tell you that you’re better off without him/her. You start to feel angry towards the people that actually care about you. You ask yourself “How can they know if we are better off not together? They know nothing that we’ve been through together.” Their reasoning can’t get through to you, and you end up pushing the people you care about away.

             

   Then you’re faced with the decision that can make your world crumble apart. Should you move on, or should you wait for the person you love to change and come back. It might not be something you want to do, but look back to the relationship you had. Were there more good times, than bad? Did they cheat on you? Did they hit you? Did they make you feel worthless? If the answer is more bad than good, than I’m afraid it’s time to move on. A relationship like that isn’t healthy, and no one should have one like that. I know that moving on is something that will be painful, trust me I know. It might seem like the pain will never go away. You might even feel like you can’t get up in the mornings. The bright sunny days might just seem like a faraway dream. I know it hurts losing the person you gave your love too, but the pain will slowly fade away.

                

Before you know it the pain you had won’t be so unbearable. You’ll be able to get up in the mornings without feeling like there’s no point. Soon the days won’t seem so long. Pretty soon you’ll be able to say their name without it killing you. Talking about them won’t bring tears to your eyes, and thinking about them will come less and less. Your friend’s jokes will be funny again. Soon the person you love be a bitter sweet memory. When that happens you can finally move on, and get on with your life. The bitter sweet memory will always have a place in your life, but it’s something that doesn’t have to consume you. Maybe one day you can give love another shot. I know that it might be scary to put yourself out there again, but it can’t be all that bad. Love is something that can come, and go. If you happen to have a break up it wasn’t meant to be, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

                Don’t let that one breakup be the deciding factor for your life. Moving on might be hard, but it’s something that will free you in the end. Even I had to move on. It was hard, and I felt like I was worthless. If he could cheat on me, and treat me like I was nothing than maybe it was really true. I believed the lies and I believed that everything he said was true, but he was wrong. I'm stronger than that, and I wasn't going to let him bring me down any longer. I stopped thinking I was ugly. I stopped thinking the other girls were better than me. Now I moved on, and he finally realized what he really lost. He realized that I was the best girl he ever had, and he saw all the sacrifices I made for our love. Sadly it's too late, and I won’t take him back. I have decided to move, and find someone better for me. Just like my friends said I could do. So please don't give up you never know, maybe next time you can really find love. Life just is a place where hearts break, but it’s also a place where you move on and the real thing.

Dreams

There’s a point in your life where you have to follow your dreams. You have the choice to do what others want you to do, or what you want to truly do. In your heart you want to go to school for photography, but in reality your parents want you to go to school for something more. Yes, they are just watching out for you. They don’t want you to be some starving artist, or bum on the streets. So, you do what you think will bring you the most money. You start looking into medical schools, or law schools hoping that you can put your passion behind you, and maybe one day you can forget that silly dream of yours.

A smart young man told me once “After my accident I realized that I should be going to school for my passion, and not doing something for money. I rather be paid little doing something I’m passionate about, than doing something I’m not passionate in.” He graduated from high school at the age of fifteen. Started going to medical school, and then after a car accident he quit school soon after. Why? He was sick of not doing something he was passionate about. He quit medical school to go to an art institute for culinary. Amazing right? A guy who was so smart, and could have had a great career as a doctor put that all behind him to fulfill a long forgotten dream.

That people is chasing after your dreams. Don’t be afraid to chase after your dreams. Don’t let that dream be a forgotten memory. If you’re passionate about writing than write, become that writer you always wanted to be. We have dreams for a reason. It’s something what we look forward to fulfilling, and hope to do for the rest of our lives. It can be something as simple as flying. If you want to fly an airplane by-gosh fly that plane. I had that choice once before. Either do something that I know will get me money and make my parents, or do something I’m truly passionate. At first I went to choosing something I knew would make my parents proud.

In high school my senior year I started taking college medical classes. After I graduated I planned on moving to Massachusetts to go to Toughs medical school. When summer came around I graduated, and my birthday soon followed after. I only wanted one thing…a camera. I loved taking pictures and it was a passion of mine. When I held that camera in my hands I remembered a silly dream of mine. I wanted to go to an art school. One in the state I lived in. This was a school I always dreamed of going too. Then after I graduated I wanted to move to New York, and become a professional photographer. I wanted to take pictures of models for magazines, and maybe after I got the money travel to take pictures of the world and capture its true beauty. I wanted to show people how beautiful the world truly is.  

I was so ashamed that I forgot such a dream, and I was mad at myself for letting my parents influence my decisions. I had so many dreams I wanted to do. I wanted to be a photographer, and at one time I even wanted to be a baker that owned her own business that people all over would want to visit. That summer I had a choice, to be a photographer, a baker, or a doctor. That summer I choose to be a photographer. I had it set in my mind, and nothing my parents could say would change that. I followed my dream, and I’m still following my other ones as well. Not only am I going to be a photographer I’m going to school for culinary. I’m doing my passions and it’s something I’m glad I decided to do, because I’m doing something I love.

So, when you have those choices follow your dreams. It’s better to make money in what your passionate about than in something you’re not. Don’t be afraid to take that step forward and do something you love. Just because people can’t see eye to eye with you doesn’t mean you have to give up on your dreams. Life just is too short to not follow your dreams.   

Rejection

Crushes everyone has one. It can be a small crush for the running back on the school’s football team, to that sexy celebrity you see on Television. Maybe some of you acted on your feelings, and found love. While others found rejection, but we can't always live in that fear. Rejection is something everyone goes through. Yes, even those gorgeous girls/guys we’ve seen walking down hallways, streets, and even the runway.

I myself can say I have had my rejections in my middle School, and High School life. So much that I have always been afraid to tell anyone how I truly feel about them, even when they ask me to my face. There was one time I had a crush on my best guy friend, and one day when I thought I would tell him how I felt he told me he liked my sister. I was…absolutely…devastated. I felt like I had lost all chances with him, and gave up hope. Weeks later he told me he didn’t like her at all, but he liked someone else. I had a feeling it was me, but I couldn’t speak up.  

He even went as far as saying he was considering dating a girl we all knew. I didn’t like her and I told him it wasn’t a good idea. She was known around school for sleeping around, and didn’t want him to get hurt. He looked at me with his once flawless smile, and asked why I cared so much. I knew than he was trying to get me to tell him my true feelings, but I couldn’t do it. I said “No reason.” And with that he dropped it. Two days later they ended up dating. A few weeks later he stopped talking to all his old friends. A few months later they broke up because she gave him a STD. After that he had never been the same. I sometimes wish that I just told him how I felt, and maybe he wouldn’t be the way he is now. He’s always getting in trouble with drug dealers, sleeping with girls like they’re nothing. He even got jump out of nowhere, lost one of his teeth, now his flawless smile is gone.

My friends this is called regret. What if’s are always running through my head when I think of him from time to time. What if I told him how I felt, who we be together today, or would he have still rejected me? Honestly I think I would have just loved knowing that he really had no feelings for me, and I can finally get rid of all this regret. If I knew there wasn’t ever a chance of us being together, than there’s nothing to be regretful about. Maybe I could regret not telling him soon, so I could have gotten over him and found someone else to crush over. Sadly it’s too late now, and I will never know the true answer behind that question. What is the point of asking after such a long period of time?

Now I’m afraid I might make that mistake again. Not like I think “He” will start dating a “whore”, but I’m afraid he might just stop have some feelings for me. I heard it so many times now how everyone says he has to like me, and how he’s always flirting with me. I have a feeling that he might like me as well, but that fear inside me is always echoing in the back of my head. It’s telling me “He doesn’t like you. Look at him he is smart, funny, kind, caring, he’s almost perfect. Mr. Right, and there’s no way Mr. Right can like you.” And for some reason I listen to it. I can’t even get up the nerves to just ask him to hang out, because I’m afraid of the thought he might say no.

Rejection is scary. I know it all too well, the fear of hearing those words “I don’t like you like that, but you’re an awesome friend” or “No, I’m not interested.”  It’s something none of us wants to hear from their dream guy/girl, but we can’t let that fear swallow us any longer. I don’t want anyone to live in what if’s. I want to know if I have a chance, or if I never had one. No matter what I will get up the courage to ask him to hangout, and if he says no thanks he says no thanks, It won’t be the end of the  world, and I’ll finally be able to live in peace. Knowing that I actually tried, and succeed or failed. Everyone will have rejection and once you fall, you can always find your way back up again.

I’m not going to say getting back up is easy, I know rejection hurts, but you can’t let that Ms./Mr. Right slip away. You never know you might get the answer you’ve been waiting for.  I promise you and myself that I will tell this man how I feel. If it’s no I will be hurt, I might even wonder why he doesn’t feel the same way I do. Still I will get over it…eventually, I will finally be able to move on, and I will be able to live in peace without regrets. Life just is a place where Rejection and Love coexists. 

High School

It’s hard to believe that sometimes that high school is a playground for liars, cheats, backstabbers, and thieves. Through all the craziness you can still find the better side of everything. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe.

I know what most of you are thinking “Please you’re probably one of the girls that had it easy in high school. A prep, someone everyone wanted to be around, so I don’t want to hear this crap from you.”, but I wasn’t. People considered me an outcast a “Freak”, someone that everyone liked making fun of. Why? Who knows maybe because I was quiet, and stayed to myself, or maybe it was because of the people I hung out with. It was strange being put into a category you had no control over. It was unfair. Because of the people I hung out with I wasn’t “Cool” enough. To me the so called “freaks” where the coolest and nicest people I ever knew.

Honestly, I knew I wasn’t “popular” or “cool”, guys didn’t seem to like me because of this, but I didn’t care. If someone can’t accept me for whom I am, than they aren’t the right people for me. For some reason people strive on being “popular” and accepted. None of us want to be at the end of the poking stick. In other words we don’t want to be the people that get picked on, made fun of, or harsh for being different. It’s not fair, and no one should have to live through that. Why do people do that? It really makes no sense, but the truth is we all do it especially in High School.

Now I don’t want to hear anyone say “I haven’t made fun of anyone once in my life”, that there my friends would be you lying to yourself and to me. That doesn’t mean you made fun of them in their face, but you did at least do it behind their back. We can all think of one time when we made fun of someone else.  You know why? Because this makes us feel better about ourselves, and less inferior. So, technically we can’t get mad at the “popular” kids who make fun of us, because we all do it. I’m not saying they can do as they please. It’s not right for anyone to make fun of others. People really don’t realize how painful their teasing can be, until it’s too late.

It really does hurt when people call you ugly, weird, stupid, a freak, or something so childish as saying you smell bad when you don’t. People don’t seem to realize that saying this to someone’s face will destroy their self-esteem. I met so many wonderful people who find themselves ugly just because of people saying otherwise, and when you do complement them they don’t know how to take it.  Honestly I am one of those people. I had been made fun of, because of how I looked. I have my days where I believe the lies and find myself so ugly, but then I forget those lies and I realize that I’m beautiful inside and out. I know I’m not a perfect person no one is, but I can say I’m more beautiful on the inside than most people.

If you are one of those “Freaks” I want you to know that you are beautiful inside and out. I hope that you never change, and you stay true to yourself. I know high school is hard, but there’s always another day. You never know tomorrow you might make a new friend, find someone who likes you for you, or even stand up for someone who is being bullied, or even stand up for yourself. Just know that you are not alone, and that you are truly beautiful. This is for the “Popular” or “Bullies” just know that when you pick on someone your truly hurting them. You might as well be punching them in the face, Not literally, and I hope that you can change your ways. I know none of us are perfect, and we make mistakes. I just hope we can all stop this silly nit picking, and grow up a little. When you get out of high school people that you picked on might end up being the ones that befriend you in college when your all alone, and your so called “Friends” aren’t there for you. 

The point of all this is that High School is hard, but it isn't the end of the world. Life keeps going on, and things will eventually change. Just keep hoping for the best, and never give up on yourself. Anyone can change for the better, and always keep an open mind. You never know that "popular" kid could actually be a so called "freak" like you. Life Just is, and You just got to Keep on Living. (: